Expectations are disappointments.
You know, I’ve never ever loved anyone as deeply as I have loved you. It’s hard to explain with words but I can at least try. When I first met you, I didn’t even think I would fall this much for anyone. I was a lone wolf, content with living by myself, secluded from people. Though I played it off as an attitude of nonchalance and cynicism, it was just me trying to protect myself against the world. I was afraid of hurt but you showed me love. You didn’t care about my ugly looks or awkward attitude. You loved me, you were the first to do so. You saw something in me that even I couldn’t. Though you and I have our share of very heartbreaking moments, some coming close to ripping us apart, I am happy to say you’ve stuck by my side holding my hand and guiding us forward. You cared when no one else would, and for that I can never be grateful enough. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I hope my words have reached to you.
If someone loves a flower which is just one blossom in the millions and millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy whenever he looks at the sky. He can say to himself, “My flower is here somewhere…” but if the sheep eats the flower, it is for him as if suddenly all the stars went out! And that’s not important?
“
| — | The little prince |
Why can’t I write anymore? I suppose the problem is that my mind and body have been so tired and worn out. Perhaps all my past abuse on my physical mental health have been slowly creeping up to me over the years. Bulimia, anorexia, paranoia, social anxiety, body abuse, all crawling on to me until consumption. My once brilliant mind, capable of making stories out of mere words, creating wonderful landscapes of a world yet to be seen by any other, now nothing but a baron wasteland. Words, my once closest friends, now are more a stranger to me than I.
Leaving my heart behind in Seattle, Washington whilst my empty body travels back to montreal, Canada.
Dear gf,
I do not know when you will get to read this, but I hope this reaches you. This week that I have spent with you has been the absolute best moment of my life. You’ve taught me how to live once again and I promise you that I will be close to you once again very very soon. So please, keep on smiling and never let the world hold you down.
Sincerely and forever yours.
